The Substitute Teacher

Strike One: Female.
She is inviting endless critique from every female in the room.
Every male in the place is wondering how much abuse she’ll take.

Strike Two: Wrong shoes.
Females are thinking that she found them in a resale bin at Whores R Us.
Males are wondering if she’s going to trip on one of the A/V cords and what her skirt will do if that happens.

Strike Three: The hair
Females are envious of the color and and wouldn’t mind using the desk scissors on the curls.
Males have already planned a way to get a hold of the desk scissors and trim off at least one of the ringlets.

Strike Four: (This isn’t a baseball game. I can have as many strikes as I want!) The jacket
Females know it’s fake leather but they hope she leaves it on the back of the desk chair anyway so they can steal it.
Males don’t care about the jacket but did you see her breasts when she took it off?

Strike Five: The Voice
Females are snickering at her accent as she attempts to read their names.
Males are now certain they can completely dominate her within the next two minutes.

Strike Six: The Final Blunder
Females watch in disbelief as she actually dims the lights and starts up a video.
Males move into feral hunting packs and wait their chance.

The door opens and everyone scuffles back to order as the Vice Principal comes in. He casts his eyes around the room. “How’s it going, Ms. Rasinski?”

“Fine, Mr. Adson.”

“Let me know if you need anything. We take care of our subsitute teachers here at Central High.”

The door closes and all hell breaks loose.

Mickey is author of the mystery novel, School of Lies. Visit her website


~ by mickeyhoffman on June 12, 2010.

3 Responses to “The Substitute Teacher”

  1. Yep, I was thinking “baseball analogy”, too, but it surely works. All this detail creates a wet-armpit-evoking reality. [I’ve been that sub and it gets worse in the classroom.] Very nice writing.

  2. As you showed us the female and male thoughts, I was thinking teacher of some sort. You’ve nailed the male thought process. I remember similar situations when I was in school.

  3. I like the strike set up. I definitely laughed at the “Whores R Us” comment. Nice.

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